For most of my adult life, I thought saying yes to everything was synonymous with being a good person. Friend needs help moving? Yes. Colleague wants you to cover their shift? Yes. Family member wants you to drive two hours for a last-minute dinner? Yes, of course.
But saying yes to everything meant I was saying no to myself – and it was leaving me exhausted, resentful, and honestly, not very good company to be around.
Learning to set boundaries was hard, but it was also transformative.
The guilt was the hardest part. I felt like I was being selfish, like I was letting people down. But I realized that when I didn’t take care of my own needs, I ended up being less available to the people I cared about anyway.
Here are some boundary-setting strategies that have helped me:
Start small: You don’t have to transform into someone who says no to everything overnight. Maybe practice with low-stakes situations first. “I’m not available for lunch this week, but maybe next week?”
Use the “broken record” technique: When someone pushes back on your boundaries, simply repeat your response calmly. “I understand you’d like me to help, but I can’t take this on right now.”
Remember that boundaries aren’t about controlling others – they’re about taking responsibility for your own wellbeing.
Realize that not everyone will like your boundaries, and that’s okay. Your worth isn’t determined by how much you can accommodate others.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish – it makes you sustainable.
